edition the one to watch, december 2006. word of the month: holidacious

more v8 cost savings coming soon?

In the wake of V8 Supercars’ first trip to Bahrain late last month, series cost cutting campaigner Hendor Rogerson has proposed a new radical cost cutting method.

It seems Rogerson was inspired after hearing that a number of Queensland-based teams resided in a Melbourne Airport Super Terminal between Symmons Plains and transit to Bahrain, rather than heading back up North.

He has proposed that the series hire a number of the Super Terminals in both Melbourne and Brisbane which between them would house all teams competing in the 2007 season.

“If the teams can share a Super Terminal for a couple of days, I think the next logical step is a couple of years,” said Rogerson, a long-time and often outspoken campaigner for lower costs in motorsport.

“The savings would be immense. Rather than suffering the costs associated with having their own premises, each team would simply pay a nominal weekly rental fee, splitting expenses such as power and the phone line..

“The more commercially savvy teams would also be able to offer the Super Terminal owners signage on their car or cars to further reduce this cost.”

While eliminating the costs associated with team head quarters’ is Rogerson’s primary point, he was quick to point out additional benefits.

“There are many additional benefits,” he pointed out, quickly. “For instance, members of different teams who live in the same areas could carpool to and from the Super Terminal each day, saving money and helping the environment.

“Similarly, catering could be organised at a bulk rate, or one person a day could take orders from all the teams before heading down to the shop, all while sharing a communal Coke machine.”

Rogerson returned our calls, but we had nothing else to ask him.

  
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Alex Zanardi

People who are familiar with the unnamed motorsport satire project will know that we're rarely too serious about anything.

However, we'd like to take a quick second to comment on the legend that is Alex Zanardi.

Put simply, the man is a class act. The way he has gone about business since that accident in September 2001 is an inspiration.

He recently had a run in a BMW Sauber F1 car as a reward for his World Touring Car Championship efforts for BMW. Clearly, he enjoyed the experience, didn't put a foot wrong and came up with some typically Zanardi quotes afterwards.

If you haven't read Alex's autobiography yet, get it now and read it.

 

  

A1 Australia Amendments

After the success of A1 Grand Prix’s first street race in Beijing last month, circuits around the world are looking at what they can learn from the historic venue.

Keen to capitalise on this, budding Sydney circuit designer Tom Janders has put his hand up to help Eastern Creek Raceway, which will host the Australian leg of the sophomore series from February 2-4.

Janders has proposed changes to the Turn 2 hairpin, which he says came about after watching the China round.

“I think if they tighten the hairpin significantly, put walls on either side and in the middle and narrow the track, it will become a great passing opportunity,” said Janders of his amendments, illustrated above.

If Janders’ plan is accepted, work will start shortly.

“I haven’t done any number crunching, but I’m pretty sure the cars will be able to navigate a corner that is about one metre wide," he mumbled. "I’ll actually be out of town on that weekend, so if they can’t, it’s not really my problem.”

  
 

riddle us this... if a series goes to race in a new country but no-one is there, does it make a sound?

  
 

Previously on everyone's favourite motorsport soap opera... Michael's long lost brother re-appeared, then used a flat tyre to get to Clarissa...

Episode 6 - After finding out that his brother Jose cut his grass with Clarissa, Michael was livid. He remained that way until that weekend’s The OP Race Challenge Day Thing.

Jose was also driving, and Michael took great pleasure in not only out-qualifying him, but replacing all of his data and setup printouts with promotional flyers about The Public Relations People, a leading motorsport public relations firm. It had recently become under new management, stemming from Clarissa’s mother Juliet marrying company owner Juan in a quest to access his riches.

When Juan died in mysterious circumstances, Juliet was left with the company and a fair chunk of folding stuff. Keen to look after her daughters, Juliet installed Clarissa (who dies within two years, be there) to a senior role.

With Clarissa's cunning strategy of making every second word in media releases ‘like’, the company went from strength to strength. It was on the back of these results that Michael’s team owner, Bryce’s father Jared, enlisted The Public Relations People to promote Michael’s career.

Clarissa was handling the account and there were tense times a-plenty. Clarissa was keen to finish work each day and go live it up by the side of a pool, while Michael - ever the consummate professional - would prefer to spend hours going through data about the latest range of singlets and un-buttoned shirts before speaking to anyone after a session.

In the race, Michael and Jose both made strong ground through the order and were running first and second on the last lap, with little separating them.

To be continued...

  
 


Stuck for Christmas shopping ideas?

Why not stop into the tumsp.com store and grab a bargain like this CD here, which is out just in time for Christmas!


  

:: the TBA diaries

Dear Diary,

Me again. Quite a surprise, really, given that it’s my diary and I’m the only one who writes in it. What a busy time I had last weekend! I was here, there and everywhere. It’s the same old story, too many race meetings, not enough time. Sadly I didn’t get to race in Bahrain. The circuit looked like a real treat to drive on, even if the best part of the Grand Prix layout wasn’t used.

It was good to see though that a couple of my old mates from overseas were racing in the Lumina CSV series. I’ve known Krazy Kevin and X-Sport Team for years, and they’re both great guys and it’s awesome to see them get a chance to race on a big stage.

Hopefully they can advance up the order, but not at my expense. I remember the 2001 F1 season. I signed a deal to race for Prost and they put me on the official list. A day or two later, I got a call from Gaston Mazzacane. I ran into Gaston a couple of times in the preceding years (they were all his fault, he doesn’t watch where he is going) so we were on reasonable terms.

I told him I was in at Prost, and he just laughed and hung up. I thought nothing of it a the time, but the next thing I knew, he had stolen my seat there.

It was a dark time for me. I didn’t exactly drink responsibly. After a couple of races, I bought a Gaston voodoo doll from the Ferrari merchandise area and he was sacked by Prost soon after. I’ve still got the doll and use it whenever I’m feeling down. If you look at our careers since then, you (and by you, I mean me, given I’m the only one who reads this) will agree that I’m the better driver.

TBA.

 
  tumsp.com did you know?

With upcoming McLaren test driver and double Formula 1 World Champion, Mika Hakkinen...

Mika can believe it's not butter.
  
 

Late breaking news...
Bahrain V8 Super Adventure declared success by series organisers, teams, spectator.

 
 

NEW MOTOR RACING PUBLICATION TO BE ANNOUNCED SOON

the unnamed motorsport satire project has the first look at a new and unique motor-racing publication which will hit the newsstands of Australia shortly.

It is understood the new publication, Fortnightly Motor-Cross, will be a cross between a motor racing news magazine and a crossword magazine and will be published monthly.

“The market has been crying out for a publication like this for literally minutes,” said one source.

“It has raised a lot of interest. We’ve already found several people who have said they would buy one.”

The current plan will see the publication going on sale early in the new year.

“It is the ideal time to launch a magazine; people are sitting at home in their homes doing nothing.”

the unnamed motorsport satire project also understands the theory of relativity.

 
older stuff that probably won't age well - june 2006 ~~ july 2006 ~~ august 2006 ~~ september 2006 ~~ october 2006 ~~ november 2006

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