June 29, 1910 - Trouble brewing between Ford and Holden fans? Yes.

Ford and Holden drivers are now sworn enemies, after the 73rd annual Ford and Holden drivers’ picnic went terribly wrong.

As they have done for the last 72 years, owners of the two manufacturers gathered in Sydney’s Centennial Park to celebrate and appreciate each other’s cars.

However, it appears today’s picnic will be the last after a Holden driver parked a Ford driver in.

“This is war,” Stewart Green, the driver of the Ford, said.

“He parked me in and I had to wait three minutes until he got back to his car to move it.

“He was all apologetic and said it was an accident, but I’ve got news for him - accidents just don’t happen.

“So all of us Ford guys are going to start hating Holden guys now.”

On the other side of a hastily built moat, the Holden driver’s story was equally as compelling and existent.

“I accidentally parked him in for a couple of minutes while I dropped my 159-year-old mother off,” David Barten said.

“It was either that or make her walk 3km to our picnic site and I figured the chances of any of the cars I had parked in coming back at that exact moment were slim.

“I reckon my car was barely there three minutes and Stewart got quite heated, even when I was trying to explain the situation.

“If that’s the sort of people who drive Holdens I think us Ford guys are better off on our own.”

TESTIN' TIMES FOR HONDA

Honda F1Racing is in the news again, with more controversy about their ‘My Earth Dream’ scheme.

Critics have questioned the team’s actions during a recent off-season test at Barcelona, where they tested three rookie drivers.

2007 GP2 racers Mike Conway, Luca Filippi and Andreas Zuber, were all given an F1 test by Honda, outraging one environmentalist.

“It’s lunacy,” the environmentalist we just mentioned told the unnamed motorsport satire project.

“Surely instead of transporting three drivers to Spain and emitting carbon dioxide into the air when negotiating with three driver managers they could have just used one driver.

“That’s even before you start to think about how much longer the sticker machine would’ve been on to produce name stickers for each driver.”

Adding to the frustration of many, the team farmed out the testing responsibility to their little brother, Super Aguri, so mileage from the test wouldn’t count towards their testing limit.

But it’s not as though the team who keeps banging on about reducing emissions and saving the planet has completed more testing kilometres than any other F1 team this year.

Oh, wait...

In other Honda news, the team ran an all-white livery in the first round of pre-season testing; leaving many to assume the team has gone into bat for the colour-blind.

GARTH GOES GOLD (BEFORE GOING RED)

Garth Tander wrapped up the V8 Supercar championship recently and is congratulated by tumsp.com for doing so.

Funnily enough, Garth wasn’t the only winner.

In the June 1845 edition of the unnamed motorsport satire project, not pictured, we went on the record stating Garth would win the 2007 championship.

So next time you want the news 162 years before it happens, you know where to come.

AGP LOOKING FOR A NEW HOME?

Unless you only follow Aussie Racing Cars and don’t pay any attention to the rest of motorsport, you’ll have seen some media talk in recent weeks about the home of the Australian Formula 1 Grand Prix.

The race, and the Government’s investment in hosting it, is coming under attack with increasing regularity by critics, prompting speculation about cheaper homes for the event.

the unnamed motorsport satire project recently received a top secret, until now, report outlining a host of possible new homes for the event.

In unalphabetic order, they are;

PICTURE CAPTION SAVES THE DAY

Fuck, before we knew that picture was digitally altered we thought Mark Winterbottom had decapitated some actor, as one does, and was driving around Phillip Island holding the head out of the window.

While we're on the article, from news.com.au, which literary genius came up with the headline;
"I'll race Bathurst - McDreamy"?

Some dude called McDreamy is going to race against an actual town?

Even if the town does take part in the race of the century against a TV character it'd hardly be project blueprint. 'McDreamy' has feet and is able to move, while we're pretty sure the township of Bathurst has somewhat limited movement.

Talk about a hollow victory.

Last time... Clarissa was struck by Tragedy in pitlane while starting a Bebo account and died.

Episode 18 - After a lengthy debate in the stewards’ room, Clarissa was deemed at fault for a pitlane incident, having been unsafely released into pitlane and was given a drive-through penalty.

It was a penalty she’d never serve. As outlined in the recap of last week’s episode, she was dead.

Having been interstate attending an apple convention at the time of Clarissa’s accident, Bryce and Autumn rushed back to The OP, as the town struggled to come to grips with what had happened.

Bryce and Autumn found solace in each other’s company as they continued to edge closer to getting things back on track.

Going in the opposite direction, Michael denounced racing as a girlfriend-killing hussy and walked away from the sport.

He spent most of his time sitting in his and Clarissa’s favourite booth at the Café, thinking about all the time they spent there when it was just a Cafe, and thinking about all of their other great memories.

Eventually, though, rage kicked in. He set out to find Tragedy. Fortunately, he didn’t have to go far, as Tragedy was sitting in the booth directly behind.

Distraught and blind with rage, Michael stole Tragedy’s hat and started to attack him, breaking Tragedy’s hat, arms and legs before police arrived to take him away.

notes \\ contact tumsp \\ all content copyright the unnamed motorsport satire project unless otherwise noted, so don't thieve \\ please note, 'The OP' appears with a tip of the hat to chris jordan \\ last month's header came to you courtesy of channel 7's the morning show \\ if anyone asks, there's no truth in our lies \\ all rights, trademarks and that sort of shit are reserved by their original holders \\ tumsp.com is best not viewed \\