Episode 19 - Actually, there is no Episode 19 yet. It’s non-ratings season, so please enjoy this repeat of Episode 3.

Sure, it no makes no sense given that Clarissa died last week but features prominently this week, but what are you going to do? Start your own TV network and show top shows all-year round?

Episode 3 - It was another carefree afternoon at The OP. The Sun was in the sky, which was also the limit to the money at their disposal.

But too much money is never enough money. A new girl by the name of Violet arrived at The OP with sultry looks, large sunglasses and an even larger chequebook to fund some racing.

Violet quickly caught the eye of everyone at The OP, and we mean everyone. Before too long, she was pregnant, but no-one knew who the father was. Debate raged amongst the town.

While Violet crumbled under the pressure of her ethical dilemma, plans were announced to transform the Diner into a Cafe and then a Café. Behind the plans was Clarissa’s father, who was funding the project to improve his public profile in advance of his plot to buy The OP and move it to some other place.

Also on the move, Violet decided it was best to leave The OP and not return. Thinking he was the father of Violet’s unborn child, Bryce was ready to turn his back on his motorsport career and follow her away from The OP.

At the last minute, though, she announced over The OP PA that the real father was professional tyre-kicker Elroy, and the pair fled The OP.

In a race at the time, Bryce didn’t hear the message and was later told over a milkshake by Michael, Autumn and Clarissa, who, like, dies in, like, two years.

EXCLUSIVE: STEWAL SPEAKS

Matthew Stewal was one of the unsung heroes of the 2007 V8 Supercar Championship Series.

A young engineer on the rise, Stewal looks set to be one of the key backroom movers and shakers in the series in the years to come. the unnamed motorsport satire project conducted this exclusive interview with him recently.

tumsp.com: Matthew, thanks for joining us today, 2007 certainly was quite a year for you.
Stewal: Thanks, it sure was. At the start of the year you set goals of what you want to... <inaudible>.

tumsp.com: It’s funny you should say that, is there a particular highlight that stands out?
Stewal: <inaudible>.

tumsp.com: Looking ahead, what challenges do you see the team facing next year?
Stewal: <inaudible> I can’t <inaudible> weld <inaudible>.

tumsp.com: So it’s a matter of not standing still?
Stewal: In my <inaudible> sleep <inaudible>.

tumsp.com: Matthew, thanks for your time?
Stewal: Why is that a question?

tumsp.com: Sorry, typo.
Stewal: That’s alright, it can happen to the best of us. It was great to talk to you.

tumsp.com: Great, we’ll let you get back to your lunch, what is that you’ve got there?
Stewal: Grated peaches coated in sawdust.

tumsp.com: Mmmmm. Delish.
Stewal: You can say that again.

tumsp.com: Mmmmm. Delish.
Stewal: Look, I’d better get back to it.

tumsp.com: Sorry, right you are.
Stewal: Thanks.

tumsp.com: Anytime, it’s our job to help.
Stewal: I thought you were a journalist?

tumsp.com: I dabble in other facets of life, too, man. Unlike one-trick ponies like you engineering types.
Stewal: One trick what?

tumsp.com: Ponies. They’re like alpacas.
Stewal: Aren’t they smaller horses?

tumsp.com: I thought you were an engineer?
Stewal: Yes, but that was just general knowledge.

tumsp.com: I see.
Stewal: I’m not sure that you do.

tumsp.com: No, really, I do. It’s like knowing that the seventeenth digit in Pi isn’t the letter ‘t’.
Stewal: It isn’t?

tumsp.com: Cop that you one trick pony.

Stewal: Touché. You got me good.

tumsp.com: I sure did.
Stewal: Yep.

tumsp.com: ... so...
Stewal: You were leaving?

tumsp.com: Why the question mark, that was clearly a statement?
Stewal: Typo.

tumsp.com: It’s alright; we’ll make all this look proper before we publish it.
Stewal: Great, I couldn’t live with myself if that made it into print.

Lesson 4, Why can't we be friends? With A1 Team Australia

(Yes, they did just say that)

ONE MAKE SERIES THE HOME OF VARIETY?

Race series’ around the world are falling over themselves to display maximum levels of competitiveness and variety among its competitors.

However it seems a winner has been found - Austria’s Saab Cup.

The one make series fields grids in excess of 30 Saab Sonetts at each event, running at the A1 Ring and other Austrian racetracks which escape us at the time of writing.

But don’t let the fact it’s a one-make series fool you, a media release released recently reveals remarkable variety. And if its in a media release, that’s good enough for the unnamed motorsport satire project.

“Race series’ around the world are falling over themselves to display maximum levels of competitiveness and variety among its competitors,” the release said.

“However it seems a winner has been found - Austria’s Saab Cup.

“The one make series fields grids in excess of 30 Saab Sonetts at each event, running at the A1 Ring and other Austrian racetracks which escape us at the time of writing.

“In Round 29 of the 2007 series, 32 different Saab Sonetts qualified inside the Top 32, a remarkable achievement cementing the Saab Cup’s position as the most diverse and paritalogical motor racing series in the world.”

It was almost a very sombre Christmas for Brisbane’s Callagan family, after a horrific accident involving their eldest son Ben.

The 18-year-old had been looking forward to starting a university degree in 2008, but is now just lucky to be alive having survived a high-speed accident while playing Playstation 2 game V8 Supercars 3.

Racing at Oran Park, Callagan lost control of his vehicle at over 250km/h on the approach to Turn 1.

The car rolled violently numerous times through the gravel trap, making heavy contact with a tyre barrier on the other side.

“I’m shaken but unhurt, thankfully,” Callagan said.

“It was a high-speed accident but the car did its job and protected me, fortunately the guys built it well.

“From what we can tell, every part of the car is damaged beyond repair, but at least you can fix a car.”

Callagan’s accident has prompted road safety advocates to speak out about the attitudes of young video gamers.

“They think they’re all invincible, but they’re not,” Stan Himes from the Roads and Traffic Association told tumsp.com.

“At this time of the year the accident rate is a lot higher as you get inexperienced gamers trying to go quickly straight away.

“Young Ben was extremely lucky not to kill himself with these high-speed shenanigans and I hope it serves as a warning to others.”

notes \\ contact tumsp \\ all content copyright the unnamed motorsport satire project unless otherwise noted, so don't thieve \\ please note, 'The OP' appears with a tip of the hat to chris jordan \\ last month's header came to you courtesy of the mighty boosh. a british comedy \\ if anyone asks, there's no truth in our lies \\ all rights, trademarks and that sort of shit are reserved by their original holders \\ tumsp.com is best viewed early and often \\