Edition zwei, July 2006. Word of the month: affidavit
Super-less Aguri?

Months after the FIA revoked ex-Super Aguri driver Yuji Ide’s Super-License, the unnamed motorsport satire project can reveal the FIA are currently considering revoking Super Aguri's Super.

“We don’t consider them a danger to anyone. Even if their drivers did run into anything, there wouldn’t be enough speed to actually cause any damage,” a source told tumsp.com, “but we do consider the name Super Aguri potentially misleading.

“By removing their Super and referring to them only as 'Aguri', a lot of the confusion will be removed.

"Fans won’t see the team name and think ‘Super Aguri - if they’re so super, why are they last?’

“I have received reports that just last month, three fans in isolated incidents became so confused trying to work this out that they actually thought that Honda or Toyota could win a race this year."

When pressed on the matter, the source was blunt.

"Look, it's not like 'Midland' is Russian for 'Fuck Me We're Brilliant'.

"We appreciate it's Super Aguri's first year, so we're willing to give them time, but they should have been more modest.

"For instance, 'When we grow up we want to be Super Aguri' would have been far more appropriate."

  
What the stars are saying about the unnamed motorsport satire project...
  "This site is so lame it makes Mark Aiston's motorsport segments on Ten look funny."

  "Imagine if Nicole Kidman married Guus Hiddink. The newspapers would've creamed themselves."

  "What do I care? I don't even look like a star."

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Forbes and Romano reunite on the small screen

Two of the most existent V8 Supercar drivers of recent years will reunite in a brand new reality TV show.

In a show likely to follow the success of shows such as Dancing with the Stars, Singing with the Stars, Losing Weight with the Stars and Ice Skating with the Stars, Rodney Forbes and Paul Romano will front Rodney and Paul’s Dancing on Tarmac and/or Gravel with the Stars.

“It seems you can involve ‘celebrities’ in anything these days - I use the term ‘celebrities’ very loosely - from eating a burrito to changing a printer cartridge, and it rates it’s arse off,” someone told tumsp.com.

“When Rodney and Paul’s Dancing on Tarmac and/or Gravel with the Stars was pitched to us, we jumped at the project. Their motorsport know-how is unsurpassed and you only have to look at weekends such as Phillip Island 2002 to see that they’ll work together tremendously well.”

tumsp.com understands the show will involve Forbes and Romano giving a crew of G-Grade celebrities a crash course in motorsport. The series is currently the subject of a bidding war between the networks, with an announcement expected one day.

we sold out, so here's an advertisment

 
Lesson 1, Talking up your performance, with Champ Car's Conquest Racing

“We worked on the car the whole weekend and thanks to a lucky strategy, Alex was running as high as 4th in the race. His pace was in the average as everybody else. He made some mistakes in the race and crashed the car in the pit wall. Alex needs to get more experience and has to raise his game.”

Team owner Eric Bachelart on May 26 2004, after driver Alex Sperafico crashed into his pitbox and hit two of his crew at Monterrey.

  
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older stuff that probably won't age well - june 2006