(special green) edition lucky for some, june 2007. word of the month: banter

the unnamed motorsport satire project goes green

While you may notice that this edition of the unnamed motorsport satire project isn’t necessarily leaner or meaner, it is a lot greener than usual.

So, by way of explanation, welcome to a very special, green edition of the unnamed motorsport satire project. the unnamed motorsport satire project has decided to do our bit to help raise awareness for one of the most pressing matters for not just motorsport, but in fact the world.

We’re sure you know what we’re talking about and hope that while you read this instalment of the unnamed motorsport satire project, you’ll take time to think about what you can do to help solve the issues that will probably shape the way we and future generations live. There are no easy options, but together we all help turn around the lack of leprechauns in motorsport.

 
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tumsp.com did you know?

With Ralf "I’m number three" Schumacher...

He’s still finishing the Monaco Grand Prix
    

We turned one year old.

The more timelical aware of you may know that it’s now one year since the unnamed
motorsport satire project was launched. Time has once again proved us all wrong.

From humble beginnings, it has become the most popular and accurate internet site with the domain name tumsp.com.

In that time, there have been some great moments in motorsport. Some that spring to mind are;
- The massive crowd on hand to witness V8 Supercars’ Bahrain debut
- The motorsport return of Rodney Forbes
- Super Aguri (who we hung shit on this time 12 months ago) regularly out-qualifying their big brother Honda

 

HONDA READY FOR RE-THINK

With their 2007 campaign on the ropes and their laughing stock rising by the day, Honda is believed to be preparing for a mid-season revamp.

Our undercover, secret source, Theodore Folaro, predicts exclusively to the unnamed motorsport satire project that it could be a very different looking team fronting for the next Grand Prix.

“The earth thing just isn’t working out,” he said.

“Other than the planet on which Honda race, the two entities have nothing in common.

“But to their credit, the team have realised this, and are preparing to make a massive change.”

Folaro tells us the team has found a new cause to jump on the bandwagon of and seek publicity through. Sorry, did we just type that? Seems we did. Scratch it, and instead pretend we wrote ‘a new issue to raise awareness of’.

“They’re thinking of painting their car up to look like a dog to raise awareness of animal welfare,” he revealed.

“The RA107 chassis is actually a dog, so it shouldn't be too much of a stretch.

"Some people seem dedicated to taking the piss out of them, but full marks to Honda for raising awareness of animal welfare and doing their bit for the big issues.”

Reports that the car handled better at Monaco after being hit on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper were unable to be confirmed as we went to press.

 


Episode 12 - Social issues were a talking point at The OP, after Leroy the Leprechaun is banned from competing in big The OP 223 motor race.

Bryce feels this is unjust, and started a petition, a ‘Let Leroy Lap’ MySpace page and summons the Holden blimp in an attempt to overturn it.

His efforts catch the attention of social warrior Bianca. With things still slightly rocky with Autumn, Bryce has a red hot go, and soon had both on the go with sexy results.

He’d later finish sixth in the big race, whereas it was a genuine disaster for Michael. After VISA problems, he elected not to pursue his racing dream overseas without a credit card, and remained at The OP.

This pleased Clarissa, whose time-of-perishment had now been readjusted from a year to five months due to a football scheduling clash. Their relationship was back on, as were her large sunglasses (often mistaken as novelty-sized) after a rain shower cleared.

With his pitcrew helping Bryce’s Leroy the Leprechaun fight, Michael’s car hadn’t been worked on all weekend and frequently broke down. He ended up 793rd in the race, so was keen to put the trouble behind him and went to the Cafe with Clarissa.

There, Michael saw his brother Jose who was in town to purchase some unsalted cashew nuts. They got into a brawl which raged for seventeen, rage-filled minutes. Both end up in hospital with serious injuries and on life support.

To be continued...

  
 

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SPECTATOR TORQUE

After the V8 round at Winton, we spoke with a V8 fan, whose name we have forgotten. Here is his or her take on proceedings.

tumsp.com: So, did you enjoy your weekend?
Fan: Yes.

tumsp.com: Super. Who’s your favourite driver?
Fan: Mark Skaife.

tumsp.com: He had a trying weekend, didn’t he?
Fan: Yes. He didn’t score any V8 Supercar points. But on the bright side, he does now move up to seventh in the Australian Rally Championship standings.

tumsp.com: We’re going to have to leave it there, as this story’s punchline was just used.
Fan: Pleased to help.


 

 
 

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TEAMVODAFONE SECURE DANISH FOR ENDURO TILT

With the V8 Supercar endurance races approaching at a static rate, leading Ford squad TeamVodafone has added a bit of Danish influence to their plans.

Several Tuesdays ago, members from the team went to a local bakery and purchased a Blueberry Danish.

Upon returning to the factory, it was placed in a freezer, where it will remain until its use at the Sandown 500 in September.

“Everyone knows that good Danishes are hard to find for the enduros,” mused a source from a rival team.

“Again, after picking their Danish early last year and then winning Bathurst, Triple Eight have planned well in advance.

“I can’t see their freezer causing a problem between now and then, this could well play a bigger part of their endurance plans than we all think.”

Prior to the Winton V8 round, it was also announced that Denmark-born ace Allan Simonsen was signed as one of their endurance race drivers, alongside Ireland’s Richard Lyons. Small world.

 
 

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Petrol.
It's great.
Go and buy some.
Then use it.

    
Phillip the Phucked Up Philosopher says...

A stitch in time is better than
a stitch in the eye socket!
  
 

INTERNET FORUMS -
WHERE MOTORSPORT JOURNALISM REALLY LIVES. YEAH.

As usual, an internet forum member has found the scoop for a motorsport rumour.

With super rumours swirling superbly about the sale of V8 team SuperMotorsporty to an international concern, forum user Joseph Denlen took it upon himself to solve the saga once and for all.

“There was only one person I could rely on for the truth,” Denlen, who posts under the user name Denley, said, “the team’s PR person.

“So I emailed her, saying, ‘Hey, there is a rumour that your team is buying SuperMotorsporty. I know you’ll do the right thing and respond to my email with the exact truth. Thanks, Joseph.’

“Sure enough, I got an email back. Almost instantly.

“Hang on, I've got it here. I’ll read it to you. ‘Hi Joseph. Thanks for your email. Yeah, it's true. I can confirm the it. We were actually going to announce this properly in a couple of weeks once due diligence has been completed and the sale transaction is finalised, but if you run forth and tell your internet forum friends, it'll make my life a lot easier and means I won't have to announce it. Another thing I can cross off my task list, sweet. Regards, Dorothy.'

“She was really helpful. It’s all these so-called motorsport 'publications' have to do. If they want the story, just ask the team to go on the record.

“If something is happening, they’ll tell you 100% of the truth 100% of the time. They would never have a reason to deny anything. Who needs sources?”

 

happy birthday to us. the unnamed motorsport satire project is now one year old. and we brought the presents, and by presents we mean back-issues. thoughtful, eh? - june 2006 ~~ july 2006 ~~ august 2006 ~~ september 2006 ~~ october 2006 ~~ november 2006 ~~ december 2006 ~~ january 2007 ~~ february 2007 ~~ march 2007 ~~ april 2007 ~~ may 2007

notes \\ contact tumsp \\ all content copyright the unnamed motorsport satire project unless otherwise noted \\ please note, 'The OP' appears with a tip of the hat to chris jordan \\ last month's header was based on the excuse for tv programming known as the catch up \\ if anyone asks, there's no truth in our lies \\ all rights, trademarks and that sort of shit are reserved by their original holders \\ the makers of the 'olivier panis enlargement patch' assure us that in no way is it associated with or endorsed by olivier panis \\ you'd better not be re-producing our stuff in a dodgy, unethical or copyright-breaching manner \\ tumsp.com is best viewed through a computer screen \\