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a headline we expect to read before too long...
Celebrity Dog School put down

Before we start... Due to a production error, it seems we forgot to mention Clarissa's imminent death (it's about 18 months away. should be good, we'll get ice cream afterwards). We apologise for this error.

Episode 9 - Keen to earn some extra money to help fund his motorsport capers, Michael took a job at The OP’s Cafe. He was helping out around the place, including serving drinks.

He had recently started a relationship with Clarissa, ahead of her death in about 18 months. This was strained, though, when Clarissa went all teen rebellious and decided to spend an afternoon at the Cafe covertly consuming alcohol.

By the end of the night, she was in such a state she had to be rushed to hospital in a near dead, but not dead (for another 18 months) state, before sobering up.

Ryan, after serving all drinks other than Clarissa’s on the afternoon, became the scapegoat. Clarissa’s family banned them from seeing each other.

Additionally, Ryan was sacked from his job and lost crucial money to support his singlet addiction. He filled in time by working on his race car with Bryce, who was thankful for the company.

Bryce and Autumn were getting along great. However Autumn was on holidays with her family and it was actually winter, so Bryce was having double Autumn withdrawal symptoms.

lé attentioné pleasé

As most of you will have either guessed, calculated, or previously read, the unnamed motorsport satire project has a lot of time for not taking things too seriously in motorsport. Fuck, if you want serious news and views there's countless other places to get them.

A lot of motorsport fans tend to take things too seriously, and seriously over-estimate the importance of motorsport in life. Like unrealistic people who bitch about how much (or how little, which seems to be the point grinding their gears) time the V8 Supercar season launch got on Sunrise, or whinge that Rick Kelly hasn't suddenly turned up on Home and Away as Alf's long lost son now that they're both now on the same network.

It was with interest that we recently read a quote from Channel 10's Bill Woods, in an interview which can be read here, which sums up the situation quite nicely. We'll let Bill end this little note about people needing to not get so caught up in their motorsport.

I have to say, [the fans] can be among the hardest to please of any sport I've ever covered. We could get the gold price wrong in the financial report on the news and not receive one phone call…but mispronounce Felipe Massa's name and there'll be a dozen people who want to cut your guts out, cook them and eat them. The sheer unforgiving savagery of some motor sport fans is incomprehensible to me. They should live in southern Lebanon for a while and learn there are more important issues in life.

V8 livery criticised on internet

Holden Racing Team’s new V8 Supercar livery has come under fire from a staunch Ford supporter on an internet forum.

”I don’t like it,” said the fan, under their username of ford’llwinin2007.

“That colour, they call it dayglo, looks more like gayglo to me.

”It's nothing like the TeamVodafone car, there’s a colour you could set your watch to.”

:: the TBA diaries

Dear me,

I hate this time of the year. Another year, another set of drives pulled out from under me. This time last month I was set to drive both Toro Rosso’s this year. Now, seems they decided to keep Liuzzi and had a need for Speed.

It doesn’t get any easier - I feel like I’m in a downward spiral that’s never going to end. Milk was a bad choice. But I must carry on. It’s my job to drive, and indeed race, race cars.

The first step was going to Australia last weekend, to drive in what they call the AMRS. First round of the series, so lots of cars were empty for practice and qualifying as deals were finalised.

I went out there in the sessions and drove a heap of cars. It was fun and good to break off the rust that built up during the off season. I find getting back into a car like riding a horse, except with four wheels and an engine.

I put in some good times, but unfortunately it didn’t lead to anything for the races. It’s just the way this sport goes some times, you have to take the good with the bad. That chump Gaston Mazzacane somehow manages to survive, so surely I can.

TBA

V8 teams almost kicked out

Two leading V8 teams were almost kicked out last week, due to ownership issues.

The teams, who have a strong history within the series but cannot be named due to keyboard issues, were questioned by bouncers at an Australian establishment over just who owned and controlled a pair of pairs of shoes.

Confusion reigned supreme when the four shoes were being worn by four different people, two from each team.

Bouncers were left unimpressed by the hijinx and started grabbing people by the ear before dragging them to the exit.

Arguments that the four shoes were independent of each other despite prior grouping arrangements fell on deaf ears initially, and the teams were threatened with a life ban if the required paperwork could not be produced.

Despite overblown reactions initially from some quarters of the media, it was all smoothed over, and the people lived happily ever after.

notes \\ contact tumsp \\ all content copyright the unnamed motorsport satire project unless otherwise noted \\ please note that while The OC is now dead, 'The OP' lives on, and appears with a tip of the hat to chris jordan and with thanks to richard craill's research \\ last month's header was based loosely on some graphics once used for the daily show with jon stewart. it's an ace show \\ if anyone asks, there's no truth in our lies \\ unauthorised reproduction isn't cool, so don't, or else you're not our friend anymore \\ tumsp.com is best viewed with through eyeballs \\