edition baker's dozen plus four, october 2007. word of the month: dilos

ANOTHER HOLDEN HEALTH SCARE?

After Sandown was dominated by talk of driver illness and unwellbeing, it’s no wonder everyone is on high-alert about driver health ahead of the Bathurst 1000, to be contested over 1000.293km at Bathurst.

As part of the stuff we mentioned in the above sentence, internet forums were sent into a frenzy as rumours of another Holden health scare surfaced.

Late last week, talk ignited that an unnamed Holden driver had chicken pox.

"Has anyone got Longhurst’s number? I seen, that is to say I saw, a leading Holden driver today. Looked like he had chicken pox,” iknowstuff2043VE said in the opening post of the thread.

However (despite numerous 'yeah, I heard that too's from multiple teenagers with no connection to anyone) it was a false alarm, the driver in question having just fallen into a pit of red jelly beans.

“I used to believe everything I read on internet forums, but now I’ll think twice and possibly thrice,” one motorsport fan reacted to tumsp.com.

  
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HONDA GO GREEN(ER)...

Honda looks set to ramp up its environmental program in the final two rounds of the Formula 1 World Championship.

With both drivers now out of title contention, the team is toying with a radical car-pooling idea.

Under the plan, the team will enter one just one car, shared by Jenson Button and Rubens Barrichello.

No doubt taking a leaf out of the V8 Supercar endurance races, drivers will split stints throughout the race.

“By only running one car and reducing emissions by 50%, the planet will pretty much be saved,” a source close to the team said.

“Sure, there’ll be setup compromises and extra time at pitstops.

“But now that Ferrari has sealed the constructor’s championship it’s not really going to make any difference in the grand scheme of things.”

  
 


   
RACE REPORT JAPANESE GRAND PRIX, LAP 1-19

Dry F1 boring:
Too much rain means no racing
Safety Car busy

  
 

DOMINGUEZ WINS GAME OF MUSICAL CHAIRS, GAME OF MUSICAL CHAIRS

Mexican Champ Car veteran Mario Dominguez has had a lot of reasons to smile recently.

Even more so than having seen a birthday card with a cute picture of a pet on it, Dominguez recently secured a Champ Car seat for the remaining two races with Pacific Coast Motorsport.

It’s the latest in a long-line of drives for Mario Dominguez, who has now driven for six of the nine current Champ Car teams, including four of them this season.

“I am so excited to be back with Pacific Coast Motorsports, they are a very professional organization and I am confident the will give me the tools I need to succeed,” he said.

It capped a big month for Dominguez, who also won a game of musical chairs at a birthday party.

The win, however, attracted controversy.

“It’s ridiculous,” said another party-goer.

“He has such an unfair advantage, he’s changed seats so many times in the last couple of years that he should be banned from playing musical chairs for life.

“It’d be like Todd Kelly entering a ‘get out of a racesuit quickly’ competition after Sandown.”
making news elsewhere...
criminals sick of being typecast in Government ads (newspalace.org.au)
  
 

Episode 16 - Clarissa and Michael made, like, a totally triumphant return to The OP.

Flower petals fell from the sky, people who hated Clarissa were now her friends, and they both had a Danish named after them at the Café, which recently finished the renovations that everyone seemed to forget about.

While Clarissa began to get her life back in order and returned to work in the racing scene as a headphone untangler, things weren’t as great for Michael.

Sure, he had Clarissa back in his life and he figured he was due for some totally sweet karma, but his decision to find and save Clarissa had a detrimental impact on his career.

No teams wanted to hire him for, although he was quick, walking out on his old team mid-season meant he was damaged goods and rumours spread that he had a singlet abuse problem.

No longer damaged goods, things were back on between Bryce and Autumn. Things were looking rosy, and they passed hours of hours taking long walks along the beach and enjoying newsreader puns. Sometimes at the same time.

 
 

EXCLUSIVE - TUMSP.COM’S ANNUAL BATHURST PREVIEW

Ahead of, during or after the Bathurst 1000, depending on when you read this, the unnamed motorsport satire project's expert team of experts have run the ruler over the 2007 field, giving you the best and most in-depth analysis of the field you’ll find anywhere.

  
 

RACE REPORT JAPANESE GRAND PRIX, LAP 20-67

Wet race exciting:
Fuji hosts on-track drama
Hamilton takes win

   


 

 
 

MORE OPEN-WHEEL TALENT TO NASCAR?

NASCAR's newest open-wheel convert?

The exodus of open-wheel talent to NASCAR will continue in coming months, with a series of expected moves to the tin-top series.

Following in the successful footsteps of Juan Montoya and trying not to follow in the footsteps of AJ Allmendinger, Sam Hornish Jr, Dario Franchitti, Jacques Villeneuve and Scott Speed are all expected to compete in NASCAR competition next year.

However the unnamed motorsport satire project has learnt of another likely move.

The Champ Car World Series logo, pictured, is expected to test a Brian Bubba Racing stockcar later this month, ahead of a move into the Craftsman Truck Series in 2008.

“I think they could be one of the future stars of NASCAR,” a source close to the logo said.

“The recent moves have made NASCAR the place to be, more so than ever, so I’m sure it’s a bit of a case of ‘when in Rome’, especially if they have a race in Italy.”

  

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